


Sit Down Beside Me

by courtneycat



Category: Pretty Little Liars, Pretty Little Liars Series - Sara Shepard
Genre: Courtney DiLaurentis Deserved Better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courtneycat/pseuds/courtneycat
Summary: It is no longer to a sanatorium that Jason DiLaurentis needs to go to talk to his sister Courtney, but to the cemetery.
Relationships: Jason DiLaurentis/Courtney DiLaurentis
Kudos: 4





	Sit Down Beside Me

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any grammar mistakes. English is not my first language, but I just love Courtney so much... Can't keep this only for the brazilian fans. Courtney deserved better!

> **"Sit down beside me and stay awhile.**
> 
> **I lay low... You can talk to me now.**
> 
> **Stay awhile, until the morning rises and we part our ways.**
> 
> **Until the end of our days."**

  
  


\- Hey… _Sis_.

The man sat on the floor, a sad smile on his face and half a bottle of wine in his hand – probably the third since he started drinking in the middle of the night and, despite having no idea what time exactly it was at that moment, it was already dawn. He could see the sun rising slowly over the horizon.

_"I"_ his voice broke, so he decided to take a sip. He needed, needed that courage. "I found out something... Today…" He clutched the bottle in his hand. "I found out your secret."

He took another sip.

"You... You weren't... _A..._ Always... You always were... _And I... I... I…"_

Why couldn't he just _say_ it?

Why was it so _fucking_ hard?

"I never realized... _How_ come I never... _Never_ realized?"

_Because you suck. And she died because of you. If you had noticed, if you had helped her... If you were a good brother, she... She..._

He thought about what had brought him there. Not just his own will, his own pain, but something else... Something he couldn't explain, but that seemed to be inside and out of him at the same time. _It_ seemed to be all over the place.

At first, he thought _it_ was torturing him.

But now, _it_ just seemed to want to help. Even if he wasn't going to accept the _words_ of comfort so easily.

**She doesn't blame you for any of this.**

_But... I'm to blame._

One more sip.

"If Ali—"

He frowned, confusion still on his mind as he read the name beside him. Anger. Alison DiLaurentis. _Alison, Alison..._

"If you, _Court_ , had never disappeared, _I..._ _I..._ I was just waiting to graduate... To get a job... I would've taken you out of the Reserve, _I..._ We would have moved. Away from here. Away from the DiLaurentis... Away... Away from it all.

No answer.

This time he took three sips in a row.

"We would have been happy. Wud... B... Fee…" he messed with the words, and shook his head at that next. He hit his head three times, trying to force himself to be as congruent as possible in the state he was in. "And free— We would've been... _Free."_

Happy and free. And together. In New York, or Philadelphia, or even more distant... _Damn_ , maybe even another country. It didn't matter, he would take his sister anywhere she wanted. _Yale_ was just an excuse for his parents.

"You wanted— _Just_ wanted this, right?" He shook his head again. "Me too... Court... _Me too..._

He laughed weakly. 

"But now you... _You're dead_ . And I'm _just here._ "

_Why?_

"Sometimes I think about how things could've been different... For us... I think of a house, or an apartment, whatever, only ours. And next to the beach, because you... You loved the beach. _Shit_ , you loved a lot of things. I think... I don't know even half of them."

I wanted to know more. I _really_ wanted.

"Like... What would you be doing now? If you were still… _Alive?"_

Just one more sip, Jason.

Suddenly he started to get upset about not hearing her voice saying even a word back, even after all that speech he had given. God only knew how much he wanted to hear her say something, anything, again.

"What would you do? Because I... _I don't know what I'm doing."_

He finished the bottle, finally setting it aside. He narrowed his eyes and put his hands in his lap, holding them together, trying to _keep_ _himself_ together. 

But he wasn't able to control himself for more than a few seconds. One of his hands touched the stone beside him. Jason felt the cold in his palm. It was as cold as… _As..._

"I... I don't know a thing…"

For the first time in a while, he felt tears starting to fall down his cheek. He hadn't had an _Elliott Smith moment_ in several months. However, it made sense to cry now – more sense than any of the other times he had.

"No, that's a lie. I know... I know _you loved me._ And... _I loved you_ , too. You knew that, right? Please ... _Tell me_ you knew."

_I need an answer from you, Court._

**She can't answer you the way you want, Jason. But you have to understand that—**

"I don't _have_ to understand anything!" He shouted, tears still falling from his eyes. " _She died!_ Died! And there's nothing I can do, I…"

And then the words were replaced by sobs. He buried his head in his legs and stayed like that, thinking about everything that had happened so far. Everything he had lost... _Especially_ Courtney. Because he had lost her not just once, but so, _so many_ times: when they were children and she was sent away; when she switched places and he didn't notice; when she disappeared; when her body was found; when Alison came back and he was happy because he thought she was Courtney...

And finally, the night before. When he had found out the whole truth. On TV, because his parents didn't even bother to call and tell him what had happened in Poconos. But the journalists said it all: the real Alison had been alive, living like Courtney since she was eleven. Which meant he had spent almost two years with Courtney without noticing – and that she was the one who had died in the DiLaurentis' yard, not Alison.

He kept crying for minutes and minutes. He cried until all the water from his body seemed to dry, as if he had nothing else, as if he had used all the tears available and there was no way to create more.

Only then, when it was noticeable that he would not start to cry again, the voice returned – almost seeming to continue from where it had been interrupted:

**There is something that can be done. You can listen to her. Truly listen to her.**

_What…?_

_What do you mean by that?_

He just had to wait a second before he heard that calm – and serious – tone entering his ears again.

**Close your eyes.**

Even though he was still a little uncertain and suspicious, he closed them tightly. He would do anything for his sister, even if he didn't really believe that strange voice, even if he could be considered crazy in case someone saw him.

**Relax. Yes. Like that. Now focus. Think about her, think about how you** **want to hear what she has to say.**

And he did.

_"I want you here, because... Because I love you. So much. And I want to know what you have to say. I want to be able to help you, at least this time."_

Even though Jason clearly needed more help than she did right now.

With that, he started to feel something: the freezing air slowly becoming warm. Not just in his palm, but on the surface of his hand and fingers as well. As if... As if _someone_ was holding it between their own hands. He put his other hand there, feeling the heat pass to it too. 

**Did you feel it?**

_Had he_ felt it? What he was feeling right now... Was that...?

_This... Is this her?_

_Is this you, Courtney?_

A strange sound was heard, along with a squeeze on his hand. Then, his body started to get even warmer. His arms, shoulders, neck... His back... it felt like he was being held. _Strong_. It was like being on the road for a long time, and coming home only to be greeted by a hug from your loved one. Just to realize that it was not the house you were coming for, but your home.

Courtney was Jason's home. She always was and always would be.

_Please, I, I miss you so much..._

_"Forgive me… I beg you…"_

This time, he heard only a murmur, followed by something that he thought could be someone saying things, but it was being said too fast, what made it impossible to understand. It was like… Pure static, like he had put in the wrong station on the radio. Then the heat was gone, suddenly, almost like it had been pulled away from Jason – just like his breath.

He stood there, exasperated and difficult to breathe, looking from the floor to gravestone, to his hands, and then to the floor again.

_Hey Hey! Hey! What— What did she say?_

He had to wait a moment before the voice spoke to him again.

**She said that there's nothing to forgive.**

_She... She isn't here anymore? Where is she?_

Anyone could notice the despair in his words.

The voice took a while again, but then _it_ sighed and finally answered:

**Some souls need time after interactions on this plan, as they are still very connected to their earthly lives.**

Of course Courtney was still _connected to her earthly life._ Jason remembered reading something about some souls needing justice. Perhaps Courtney was one of those souls – she had been murdered, after all, so that made sense – and although the police and their parents had no doubts about Alison's death, he doubted that she was _really_ dead.

**But Jason, know that your sister's always watching you. Watching all of you.**

Besides her brother, she had her best friends and... Regardless of how much the other plan cared about cell formation, Alison was still a part of her. Half of it, even though Jason hated to think about it. Perhaps, because of justice or something else, she was also watching her twin.

_All of us? And always?_

**Always. And you can listen to her if you want, you just need to concentrate.**

He raised his eyebrows, a confused look on his face. Clearly he was wondering if only he could make this communication, or if her friends would be able to do it too if they tried. Hadn't Aria said something about a medium some time ago? She had never said any details, but... You never know, right?

_Did she say anything else?_

**I… Think you know.**

He thought for a moment, the feeling of warmth returning to his mind, making him remember the exact words that the hug was supposed to meant:

**"I love you too."**

Jason nodded to the wind. To the nothing and to the everything. To the voice, to himself... To his sister, who was and wasn't there, who would always be there. The sister who loved him, who forgave him, who didn't even blame him.

Even if he continued to blame himself for a little while longer... He knew the thought that _Courtney_ _did not_ would relax him in the worst moments. _She_ would keep him calm, even if he was unable to physically listen, even if some kind of spiritual wall separated them.

_"Thank you, Court."_

With that, he got up. He was still dizzy from how much he had drunk, but was also feeling a lot better. Then he decided it was time to go back, to go to… Wherever he was going to. Not to his parents' house, for sure.

But before, he had one more thing to do.

He took another look at the grave, the name still bothering him. He knew what Courtney pretending to be Alison had cost her... Not just when they were teens, but when they were kids as well. Now Courtney was buried as Alison, and Alison's ceremony was to be done in Courtney's name. The DiLaurentis were a _fucking_ joke.

He sighed, running his hands through his hair, and looked around.

There were some flowers wrapped in paper on top of another grave. He narrowed his eyes and staggered towards it while he took a pen out of his pocket. Once he took it, he put the flowers out of the paper sheet, leaving them there for the person to whom they were destined. He just needed the paper, after all.

He leaned on the highest tombstone, and began to write what he wanted, even if his handwriting wasn't the most readable one at that moment:

_"Courtney Day – DiLaurentis. My dear sister, who will never be forgotten. Rest in peace. Be free."_

He placed the words next to his sister, covering the other name engraved there. He smiled, watching what he had done and feeling the gentle morning breeze on his body, then he turned to the side of the entrance and began to walk to that direction.

_Thank you very, very much._

As soon as the sun appeared completely in the sky and he was already standing at the cemetery gates, Jason made a promise, a smile still in his face: he would come up with all the possible effort and listen to his sister. Every day, from that moment.

He would use his soul.

Because he knew she would speak with hers.

**"No. Thank** **_you_** **, Jasy."**

  
  



End file.
